It’s Hard

It’s hard

Every time my mind begins to whirl

With all the unseen possibilities

Of what will happen next

It’s hard

When out of all those possibilities

The worst and most outrageous

Scream above them all

Blocking out the logical,

The rational, realistic

It’s hard

When my heart starts pounding

And my stomach twists into knots

And those possibilities won’t leave my head

Usually

My mind blows things out of proportion

It makes things seem worse than they are

I try to remind myself of that,

And wait for evidence

To remind me of the truth

Usually

The outcome is logical, simple

A friend’s strange absence from texting

Turns out to just be a flat phone battery

Or a busy day

Usually

It’s all fine in the end

The knot untwists

And the storm of thoughts calms

But still, it happens

And still, it’s hard

But it’s worse

When the outrageous becomes reality

When the truth only adds fuel

To the endless spiral of speculation

When instead of relief, there’s just more dread

When instead of peace, the fear intensifies

When my heart feels like it’s being squeezed

And those possibilities in my head just won’t leave

Is this normal?

Or is it just me?

Am I just overreacting?

Can it be stopped?

I’m not sure…

I just wish it were easier.

One day, maybe it will be easier.

~~